Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
