seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
