Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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