im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
