Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
