I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
