there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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