so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
