I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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