I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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