Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
