Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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