Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
