Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
