She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
