so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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