I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
