I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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