dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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