Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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