who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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