so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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