lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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