We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
