I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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