Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it was like eating out sand paper
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Enjoy the penises
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
