be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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