I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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