i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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