Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
