she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
