Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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