I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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