Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
