return my video game
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
