he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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