there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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