I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
