He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
