somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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