i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
