she was so not down for the gang bang
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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