If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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