Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
