That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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