does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
