Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
