and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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