overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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