Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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