Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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