I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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