i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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