I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
worst night to have a conscience
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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