I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
