Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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