I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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