I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
