btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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