i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
