there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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