Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
