matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize