Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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