He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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