So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
