I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
