just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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