well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
