He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
