roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
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We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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