Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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