y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
