U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
