so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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