just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
