At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
