I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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