he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
